The beginning of the end is when you start to stop. The residual feeling you keep to yourself starts to vanish in the air. It feels so 1997... Like that bleached jeans and that abandon feeling caused by the grunge. It is stained in my brain, like Beaves and Butt-Head on MTV, like packing sandwiches for school, like the kids haircut and the vintage 80`s remaining in my parents clothes. So unbelievable that we still alive, that no fucking Nostradamus or Armageddon or any other bullshit had become truth. And even with no death caused by belief - only by human rage - some of you still believe in grandpa Jesus, in Holy Fucking Mary and shit... Can`t help it... You too fool to believe in yourself... No devils or judgement will take you to hell for being naughty or mean, the only suffering you will have will be caused by yourself, and you will face it here on Earth. The devils are here. We are our own evil. Your struggle to be cool enough and your lack of sensibility are leading you to the masses, to the common bullshit you insists to complain you hate but you would love to be a part of. Deal with it. Some of us was born to be around, some others were born to be on the corners, just watching. Life is hard. But it is so lovely. The feeling of a hot body lying next to you is better that any short memory, any controversial feeling you insists to keep. I wanna watch all the falls, all the springs... Feel the winter breeze freeze my nose from inside, feel my eyes get dry with the wind and smell that wood-burning smoke through the fields. All over and over and over again. 

I walk by the sea, with the moon shinning on the water. The only light I see is the majestical incandescence of mother moon, bathing me with her wisdom, her beauty, her skills. I can feel the light coming under my skin, the blood running fast, every single heart beat can be felt just by looking into my eyes. I'm wide awake. I can hear the old tales being told in the air. I can hear the voices far away. I can see you. Nothing can stop me now. Beyond the valley I see the future, shining bright like a morning star. You are damned into this world, even if you think you're not, you gonna rot in fear and eternal pain. Blessed be the ones who escape the future. My nose already smell the adrenaline coming out of your pores, dilated pupils, chills down the spine. That's me coming alive.

I miss being a human. I miss bleeding. I miss the pain of discovering something new, and the way it hurts until you master it. The way the old bedrooms smell while you walk by the hallway with that open doors. That flickering light scaring the shit out of you while you keep on walking wishing for some monster to come and eat you alive, just to feel the adrenaline. That chill on your spine when someone slowly cross it's hands against your skin. To look someone in the eye and smell the fear, the weakness. That smell of old dirty books, leather covers and trashy magazines. That door noise when the wind slowly open it. To dive into a hot tub and feel the hot water take over you. I miss being a human.

Is weird when you look back and the one you feel next to you is not there. It is like another dimention. You feel It close to you, the energy, the vibration, even the shadow of the figure, but you turn to see it and you see nothing, just the furniture. Kinda freaks me out but changes my reality too. It is weird. Not that I am complaining, I just wish I could see this other side that stands right across me and that I cannot touch or see. Like that atom theory that when they blink they go to another dimension, but If It is true, where do they go? Wish I could go there too. In my head, there is another you in another reality, living the same life with the same routine, but maybe with different colors, textures, smells, wish I could see that. I am not stoned or shit, this is what I really think, sometimes I feel like music can takes me to this places, but there are so many special and few musics that have this power, It is like It can take me out of my body and throw me through the space time and dimensions... Oh God, It feels so surreal, wish I could control that, and more, wish you could see or feel like I do when that happens...

Silence. Somebody is around. I feel like every time I`m alone, I`m actually not. Or maybe I am. Why is this voice screaming inside my head? It is telling me to run. RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!! It screams every mother fucking morning, afternoon, evening and night. RUN AWAY FROM THIS BULLSHIT!!!!!! DON`T BELIEVE THIS LIES AROUND YOU! STAY TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE! This ones around you with those fancy cars, expensive lives, BEING NOBODY. You`re so real, so unique, so amazing in your own weirdness or madness. They don`t have to understand you, and, even if they ask `WHY?` you don`t have to fucking answer cause this is who you are. Fuck it. Love it. Believe it. If you`re truth to your self, if you look at your own image in the mirror and feel happy about what you see THEN FUCK`EM ALL. This voice inside your head is the most awesome thing you can hear so listen to it. The rest is bullshit.

To make it raw. To live it like it supposed to be lived. Like no one else is around, or will try to understand why. To live by your on means, by your own rules, in a way that only you can judge or complain. To make it your own way. To walk alone, touching things, smelling the earth around you and drinking it`s own living blood. Make yourself. Look around and notice the contrasts of the world, the colors in the sky, the view of the living things moving around. Keep it surreal into your mind, like you`re living in a dream. Cross the border between reality and YOUR OWN REALITY. Feel like you`re in the edge of the world. To dig your toes into the soft sand or into a mud hole. Never look back. Trust your own instincts and never betray yourself. Remember when you look into the eyes of the one you love while it`s still inside you. Make yourself a giant and look what a small world for you to discover. YOU A.R.E. A GIANT. And you love yourself, in your own way. Never wear this android costume. Wear your own skin. Keep your eyes wide open to the world. And trust no one. Lead yourself to success. I`m not talking about money, I`m talking about happiness. That is the real success. To love someone. From far or close. Just love with all your heart. Never surrender.

I can't explain how fast this wicked feeling is growing inside of me. I can only describe it as a feeling cause I don't really know what it is, but it's coming out so fast, It's almost getting out of my control. It makes me cry, It makes me smile, It makes me feel like I'm really old and I already know this world like the palm of my hand, like If I look into somebody's eyes I will be able to touch the most deep feeling hidden in the soul of the creature I'm staring. It is making me feel everything around me quite different, like an ilusion crossing the border of what everybody can see and what only I can. It's kind of scary but familiar at the same time. It is taking over my sleep, my feelings, everything around me is really confuse. I can feel it on the tip of my fingers again when I touch the walls, the ones around me, It's almost magnetical, like a suicide, but where I die and came back, as if I could see the other side. I feel like I'm almost crossing the last border to find everything I've been looking my entire life, and I'm not affraid of what I may discover on the way.